


coming home

by evelyn_hayes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Broken Dean, Caring Castiel, Castiel (Supernatural) Does Not Care About Gender Norms, Fluff, High Castiel, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, I’m so bad at tagging, M/M, Rebellion, Recreational Drug Use, and the camps are sorta different, except there’s no croatoans, im so sorry, i’ll add tags on the way, just a tad bit, like once in one chapter, so this is based off Endverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-10 03:43:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12903240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelyn_hayes/pseuds/evelyn_hayes
Summary: BASED ON THE SONG “COMING HOME PART 2” BY SKYLAR GREYALSO PUBLISHED ON WATTPAD UNDER @storyteller0714In a post apocalyptic world where Lucifer has free reign and where heaven’s a hell too, where is home?or that slightly weird Endverse AU when the Horsemen’s rings were destroyed by Michael and Lucifer won the fight.





	1. november 23rd, 2010

⊶ ⊷

  
❝ _and the blood will dry_

_underneath my nails_

_and the wind will rise up_

  
_to fill my sails_  ❞

⊶ ⊷

 

 

The road trip to nowhere at midnight's a regular ritual for the Winchesters. Dean's driving, Sam is in shotgun. There are classic rock lullabies playing from the stereo. Cas is in the back seat or flapping in and out the car. The lego pieces in the heat vents rattle. There's some small talk about the case or there's teasing. Sometimes they talk about secret celebrity crushes through a game of truth or dare, and Cas always ends up feeling left out. So they switch to a long-winded explanation about Hiddleswift and Bendyswatch Crumblebread or whatever his name is and "Cas, I explained Led Zeppelin to you at least five times over now" coming from either Sam or Dean, and often—both. This is their ritual. This is what it is like being a Winchester.

Tonight is different. Cas is in shotgun. There's a mixtape of mostly pop songs playing from the stereo. Cas isn't flying anywhere. There's no small talk. There's no truth or dare, and there's no talk of Hiddleswift and Benniducttape Crustycorn or whatever his name is or Led Zeppelin. Even the lego pieces are silent, as if they were self-conscious about being so loud in the foreign circumstance of the interior of the Impala right now. 

They don't break their rituals. It was never written in stone, but it was as unbreakable as the Enochian warding carved into his ribs, an agreement torched onto hearts. The rituals help make home seem like a real thing for the hunters. The rituals are one of the few constants in the life of the Winchesters, and the Winchesters believe in keeping traditions. 

But what's an agreement between three people when there's only two?

Cas is in the shotgun because Sam isn't there to take the seat. Cas doesn't flap around because Lucifer is watching the angelic dimensions in which Cas travels through. Sam's not there, so there isn't small talk or any pop culture trivia. There's no small talk because neither Dean nor Cas feel like talking. There are pop songs playing on the stereo because Dean wanted to listen to the mixtape he made Sam a long time ago, filled with Sammy's all-time favorite songs. 

There's no Sammy because Sammy's gone now. 

There's no Sammy. 

Just Lucifer.

Just Lucifer and those taunting words he murmured using _Sam's_  voice when he ripped apart Bobby bone by bone. Just Lucifer and the ugly _squelch_  of muscles tearing, tissues ripping, blood streaming. Just Lucifer and Bobby's screams of pain. Just Lucifer telling Dean what Sam planned for their future and making sure Dean knew they were never going to happen as Dean was dragged away from the archangels by Castiel.

He clenches his jaw. 

Cas, while oblivious to human culture, is observant. "Are you okay, Dean?"

Dean takes it back. Cas is not observant. Cas is an unaware son of a bitch who can't tell if Dean's okay or not even though the freaking _apocalypse's fate_  was being decided right in front of their eyes. "No, Cas, I'm not okay, because there are two angels both wearing my brothers and battling it out for destruction or paradise through destruction and it's our fault for not stopping it. I'm not okay, because I just lost the only person who ever treated me like his own son to someone possessing my brother. I'm not _okay_ , Cas, because I don't see the point in carrying on without my brother and my—my _dad_ , okay?" His voice chokes. Dean honestly couldn't care less. "I'm not _okay_ , Cas, because I just lost _everyone_." He exhales loudly. "Freaking blind angels," he mutters. 

There's no reply from the angel next to him, and a small part of him wonders if Cas flew away. Then he's reminded that it's unsafe for Cas to do that. So Dean decides to wait for Cas to say something. 

He doesn't have to wait too long, though. 

"Dean." There's a hand over his. Dean doesn't yank his hand away. "You have me." 

Dean peels his eyes off the road. Cas is looking straight at him, as if he could change Dean's mind through just a gaze. His hand's surprisingly light on top of Dean's, but there's definitely angel grace thrumming through his veins because it's really damn warm. It hits him that Cas wants Dean to give himself back some hope, and even through the grief, he appreciates the gesture. Dean's not an asshole who gets mad at people who offer help. And it's not like Cas is acting like a shrink. The hand on his is real, and it helps Dean understand what Cas really wants to convey. 

It's a sad thing that Dean just doesn't care anymore. 

He looks back towards the road and focuses on the signs that they pass by, needed more than just the joystick and Cas' warm hand to get a grip on his emotions. He could cry later. Not when he's driving. 

"Thanks, Cas." Dean hopes it's enough for Cas to understand. 

For an oblivious angel, Cas is really good at perceiving Dean's words. The heavy weight of his gaze is off his face, but the hand stays. 

 They only reach a hotel at around five-thirty in the morning. Cas keeps his hand on Dean's the entire drive. 


	2. january 1st, 2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Sam-less New Year hits Dean hard.

It's been a month since the car ride. Sammy's name is taboo now. Dean can't even say his brother's name unless he wants to bring the Devil down on his head. And no one's there to stop Lucifer—Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel are all dead.

He's spent a good three New Year's without his brother when the bitch went off to Stanford. It wasn't fun, it wasn't hopeful, and there were no resolutions made. Because Dean was a blank slate without Sam. But Dean still knew Sam was alive, being happy, and that was enough.

This year, Sam isn't happy. This year, Sam is trapped inside a body he can't control. This year, Sam is lost.

This year will be abject hell. And so will be the years afterward.

Cas isn't enough to soothe him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That short chapter update I was talking about...expect plenty of these.
> 
>  
> 
> Can someone teach me how to get that long note section only on the first chapter? I’m lost...


	3. march 4th, 2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s musings.

Dean should be relieved that Lucifer hasn't found them yet. Dean should be relieved that Lucifer hasn't ripped Dean into parts to join Bobby in hell. Dean should be relieved he's not dead yet.

Dean isn't relieved.


	4. may 2nd, 2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Sam’s birthday.
> 
> WARNING: Self-destructive tag kicks in seriously here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter coming up soon!!

Dean wants to rip himself up into pieces.

He can't handle being inside his skin, he can't handle the pain throbbing from his head, he can't stay here any longer. It's Sam's frigging _birthday_ and he can't say his frigging _name_.

Dean has no issues getting caught by Lucifer. He doesn't care anymore. At least then he would die and he could be away from this pain. But he's holding out for Cas because Dean's not letting that baby in a trenchcoat be tortured by Lucifer. Cas doesn't have a death wish. Dean does, and since the angel's not going anywhere without him, Dean's gotta hold on.

There's a constant itch underneath his skin that he wants to scratch until he's bleeding out into the ground. He hasn't told Cas about it. He doesn't know what his response would be, and he doesn't particularly want to know. The angel's fussing over him enough at this point. Based off how good Cas is getting at reading his quirks, Dean wouldn't be that surprised if Cas didn't already know. That might explain the concerned glances Cas has been throwing at him all week and the way he refuses to leave Dean alone in a room—even when he's changing, which is slightly disturbing, but honestly, Dean likes the embarrassed expression on Cas' face when Dean gets naked. It's cute.

Cas is the only thing keeping Dean in the world. Dean values that, a lot. But sometimes, he wishes Cas would just let go.


	5. may 23rd, 2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been six months since Sam's been gone. The only songs playing in the Impala were Sam's.
> 
> WARNING: Self-destructive tag is in place here again.

Sam's mixtape, in all honesty, was goddamn _depressing_. Songs like "Cheap Thrills" and "Can't Stop the Feeling" bored him in less than two months, but he could listen to "Photograph" for freaking _years_ on end. Dean honestly felt like breaking down into tears a few times while he was putting the mixtape together. The songs were actually not terrible—Dean was a lot more flexible in music taste than he let on. (He just hated synthesizers, to be honest. Everything else was honestly fine with him.)

The complete mixtape:

1\. "I'm Yours" - Jason Mraz  
2\. "A Thousand Years" - Christina Ricci  
3\. "Breathe Me" - Sia  
4\. "Photograph" - Ed Sheeran  
5\. "Safe and Sound" - Taylor Swift  
6\. "Sorrow" - Sleeping at Last  
7\. "Coming Home Pt. II" - Skylar Grey  
8\. "Supermarket Flowers" - Ed Sheeran  
9\. "If I Die Young" - The Band Perry

The songs were beautifully written, sung, and performed. While the content did make Dean flinch sometimes, he knew he'd be there for Sam if he ever went off the edge. He had to be. He was the older brother.

It's been six months since Dean hasn't been able to do that.

All those six months, there's been no Metallica playing in the Impala. No Led Zeppelin, no AC/DC, just Sam's mixtape constantly running in loops every day. Dean knew that overuse would eventually break the mixtape, but he didn't care. Once the songs stopped playing, the Impala would stay silent. The question was _when_ the rickety tape would give out.

Dean gave it about three weeks until total damnation.

Cas never comments on why there's depressing alternative pop playing in the Impala instead of the regular classic rock—and Dean's goddamn thankful for that. Explaining the rugged tangle of emotions fluctuating in his heart would break Dean beyond Cas' reach. It wouldn't be the good type of breaking either—Dean could do all types of shit to his body but his heart was always so friggin _weak_. It's not like Cas is a heartless dick of an angel, though; there are the quiet glances that Dean silently catches, the way Cas instinctively reaches for Dean's hand when he sees him tense—all of those, they mean the world to Dean. Dean appreciates Cas' quiet concern; it's reassuring to know Cas won't push for answers, but that he still cares.

To be honest, Cas seems more interested in the music playing in his Baby than ever. It's not a huge surprise—"Sorrow" is practically a summary of Cas' life. What is a surprise is that Cas seems to be more interested in the song after that: "Coming Home Pt. II". Dean can see the effect the song has on Cas—the small twitches of his fingers, the glaze that flickers past his eyes everytime he hears the chorus, the shudders rippling just beneath his eyelids—the _tears_ underneath his eyelids. Dean really appreciates Cas' quiet concern and he's pretty sure Cas does too, but he can't help but be curious as to what exactly comes to Cas' mind when he hears the song.

Dean's thought about that song long enough to guess what Cas might relate to. The idea of peace, of a home where every part of him was accepted...it was paradise. Dean never had a true home, just his Impala, Sam, and Bobby—and two out of three were out of the picture. Cas rebelled against Heaven and now he was here, dealing with a shitty excuse of a human—

Wait.

Cas rebelled against Heaven—for _Dean_.

Shit. This was his fault. Again.

Dean feels the waves of anger and hatred rush over his body and the need to rip off his skin, always simmering quietly the past six months, intensifies. He grits his teeth and grips the wheel harder to remind himself he's on the goddamn _road_. If he wants to rip himself into pieces? Fine. Wreck Baby along the way? No freaking way.

There is a heavy gaze that rakes across his body, and Dean almost doubles over from the amount of concern emulating from the angel sitting in shotgun. Damnit. Dean didn't want Cas to baby him. He wasn't _fine_ , not in that particular sense, but he wasn't going to shatter in front of Cas. That was why he never actually crossed the line between life and death yet—Dean was not going to break Cas too.

The thought steels him. The grip on his wheel relaxes.

Cas cares about him. Dean won't be the one to shatter him.

 

 

 

The songs keep on going.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Before you start giving me shit about publishing on two platforms, hear me out: I’m a lot more successful on Wattpad than here, and honestly I have good stories I want to open to both platforms—and we all know it’s hard to read good fanfics on Wattpad once you read Ao3 quality stuff. 
> 
> A rough summary of the premise of the story would be that in "Swan Song", the Horsemen's Rings were destroyed with a snap of Michael's fingers (he is all-powerful). Cas never molotoved Michael, Cas didn't die and come back as a seraph, Bobby was killed by Lucifer, and Dean was dragged away to safety by Cas. This is them on the run, trying to put as much distance between Lucifer and/or Michael as they can.
> 
> This one's going to be a relatively short fic, and I'll definitely even have two sentence updates (but don't worry, those won't be my only update...unless I'm feeling cruel...*laughs maniacally*) but honestly I love this plot so much it's physically ruining me. 
> 
> For those of you wondering—no, I won't put endverse!Cas or endverse!Dean in this fic, at least not characteristic by characteristic. There'll be pieces from the plot, like the rebellion and stoned!Cas—but that won't be as serious as it is in Endverse. Cas will get high in the fic later, however, so if you can't handle plots with drug use, you might need to read this carefully. The only time the drug use will be explicitly showcased is in one chapter and only references afterwards, and that one chapter will be in Dean's perspective and is sorta important to the Destiel plot in the story. 
> 
> Alrighty, thanks for reading!
> 
> P.S: I really need someone to beta this work. Can someone help?


End file.
